I have it on no authority that Fox Television is going to add a new show after "Million Dollar Money Drop" Called "Puppies Crossing The Freeway". The recent publicity surrounding the loss of 800,000 dollars on "Million Dollar Money Drop" by a couple on a question they actually got right, has just shown Fox how popular their million dollar shows can become.
Fox executives were so enthralled watching the life blood drain out of contestants faces over how easily they could lose one million dollars that they had to come up with a show immediately following Million Dollar Money Drop.
One unidentified Fox executive excitedly enthused, "seeing one million dollars get sucked down the portal of poverty and back into Fox Television's hands while contestants' insides turn out makes me grateful to be part of such a winning formula, and its a ratings winner!""Even the devastated contestants have privately told us the emotional pain they will carry for the rest of their lives is worth it just for the chance to fondle a million dollars worth of bundled up bills."
One couple who watched one million dollars get swallowed up by the portal of poverty on the very last question allegedly asked if they could keep the rubber bands that bundled all that money into such sexy stacks. Fox was only too happy to oblige and the couple was last seen inhaling the rubber bands' million dollar aroma.
Fox hopes to recapture that heart palpitating moment when a million dollars drops down the portal of poverty in a whole new way, with their new show called "Puppies Crossing the Freeway".
Another Fox executer swooned...
"Puppies Crossing the Freeway is a very special show. The chance to incorporate what makes Million Dollar Money Drop a winner, by using puppies instead of a million dollars, was a stroke of genius"."The best shows keep people on edge and in fear right up to the very end, and puppies crossing the freeway doesn't disappoint. Contestants choose whether to save one puppy, two puppies, or save all the puppies by trying to stop unsuspecting traffic using everyday props such as baseball bats, bikini's, cell phones, even police uninforms! Best of all, Puppies Crossing the Freeway uses only puppies that were already supposed to have been euthanized.
Fox executives are pleased to mention that every dog that appears on Puppies Crossing the Freeway has already been given a stay of execution from the pound. At least one puppy per show will be saved! If it turns out that none of the puppies makes it safely across the freeway, the last puppy waiting to cross won't have to go if the contestants decide to adopt the puppy. If the contestants decline, the last puppy gets a stay until the next shows filming.
"We were planning on embedding microphones just beneath the freeway surface for unforgettable sound effects, and so we did," Beamed another Fox executive.
"Contestants have already come up with unique approaches. One contestant actually crossed the freeway first, then led all the puppies across while performing Chariots of Fire on their fife, and they almost made it too! The sound effects were amazing!"
Plans for a sequel to Million Dollar Money Drop called, "Carry a Million Dollars Around in a Satchel all Day in Public" could not be confirmed for this article.
Also allegedly in the works is a show called "Ransom", in which a divorced couple use clues to find a million dollars within 24 hours. Serious dramedy ensues when the divorced couples realize they may have to share their prize with others in exchange for their help, or risk getting remarried to each other if they don't find the money in time.
Other million dollar shows being considered are...
"I have a million dollars in my car and you don't" in which cartestants drive around with a million dollars in plain sight for 24 hours. The cartestants must make at least one gesture of their choosing towards other drivers on the road every half an hour.
Million dollar costume. In this Fox game show contestants must wear and sell a piece of clothing made entirely out of a million dollars. Hilarity ensues when desperate contestants begin removing money from the wardrobe they are wearing and giving it to prospective buyers to help pay for the million dollar clothing, but the prospective buyers just keep asking for more and more.
Million dollar Snow Ball fight. Snow ball fights are the order of the day when Fox Television plants 20 dollar bills inside 50,000 snowballs. Two teams must decide whether to try and knock each other out so they can retrieve their 20 dollar snow balls while an intrigued public looks on. Will the two teams suddenly have to combine forces and defeat the public at large, or can they keep the public at bay, knock the other team out, and win the million dollars!
Million Dollar Mattress Stomp. Contestants are placed in a house and told that one of their mattresses has a million dollars in it. However, if that mattress is ripped open in any way, the entire house is disqualified from the million dollars.
House members discuss their feelings as to which mattress they think is the million dollar mattress and why.
Once a week, one mattress is voted off the house and a machete is thrust into the heart of the mattress while freaked out members pray its just a moneyless mattress.
Adult Hilarity ensues members begin to share the remaining mattresses. Different house members combine forces and use their own carnal methods for figuring out which mattress has the million dollars.
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